I Was There on September 11

twin towers

The following is a peek inside the dark, dark mind of a Republican presidential candidate. Or maybe it’s a conspiracy theorist. Or a famous entertainer. Or just an average American. Which one is it? Does it matter? No. Because it could be any of them, and it could be all of them, because this is the country we live in.

I was there on September 11. I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in Jersey City, N.J., where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering. I was there on September 11. There were people that were cheering on the other side of New Jersey where you have large Arab populations. They were cheering as the World Trade Center came down. I know it might be not politically correct for you to talk about it, but there were people cheering as that building came down.

I was there on September 11. I personally fielded all the phone calls of Jewish workers in the Twin Towers who called in sick that day. Thousands of them didn’t show up to work that day. Not one Jew died in the 9/11 attacks and the World Trade Center is full of Jewish workers.

I was there on September 11. I know that the United States government had prior knowledge of the attacks. I saw George W. Bush turn a blind eye to the advance intelligence that an attack was coming. I read Donald Trump’s book that predicted the attacks were coming. And if I read it, then George W. Bush read it too. I was there on September 11, so I saw that the attacks were actually the work of George W. Bush and Barack Obama, who not only managed to plan the attacks but also flew the airplanes into the towers themselves before escaping at the last minute in order to partake in the righteous parties happening in Jersey City, where the best parties always are. I know this all because I was there on September 11, and while the world might have been watching downtown Manhattan, I was paying pretty close attention to Jersey City because somebody had to, and that somebody was me.

Ok, the truth is, I wasn’t there on September 11. Because if I’d been there on September 11, and if I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, “OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.

But even though I wasn’t there on September 11, I still know that Muslims were cheering in Jersey City that day, because there’s no difference between them and mad dogs. And we all know how mad dogs like to party.

So while I wasn’t there on September 11, also I was and will always be there, on September 11, because there is no better place to be, no better day to reference, when running for president because that’s a sacred American day and, honestly, I get a hard-on just thinking about that day which is why I mention it over and over and over again, because nothing else does it for me anymore, nothing does it quite like thinking about the deaths of thousands of people and the destructive aftermath which has resulted in the world we live in today, one in which I could be a viable presidential candidate/conspiracy theorist/entertainer/average citizen.

Welcome to America. It’s been waiting for you.

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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