We’ve never had the pleasure of tending bar, but it’s safe to say that riding the subway every morning is like dealing with a room full of rude customers every single day. Here are what some of Brooklyn’s finest had to say about their most obnoxious customers.
Where he Presides: Ramona, Greenpoint
Favorite Drink: The Old Pal. It’s 1 1/2 parts rye, and 3/4 each Campari and dry vermouth. Stirred until very cold, served up.
I once had a French debutante scream at me for giving her tap water as opposed to Fiji. The water was for her dog. Honestly, there wasn’t much I could do. She was a commanding woman that could’ve gotten me fired if she wanted. I just got her the Fiji and charged eleven dollars to her room so her dog could drink fresh bottled water. I quit that job soon after.
Where she presides: Trophy Bar, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: I gotta say I am a SUCKER for piña coladas. Yes, take me away to a tropical island in my mouth. But since those are hard to find, my second choice is a Trophy Bar original, The Vacation, consisting of tequila, verdita(pineapple juice, cilantro, mint and jalapeño) and topped with Tecate, served with a salted rim and lime!
The rudest customer I’ve ever had was probably anyone who tips with change. No thank you, I don’t want your nickels and dimes. That, or anyone I’ve ever had to cut off. People love their booze, man! Which is great, until they can’t handle their booze. I remember this one dude who was clearly an aggressive smashed monkey. I refused to serve him and gave him a water. He poured it all over the counter while insulting my haircut. My haircut? That’s the best ya got?
Where she presides: Midway, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Cider
Worst customer I ever had? Shit, uh, this guy! (gestures to friend at bar) This guy fell off a stool once. There are so many people that complain to me about things that I have absolutely nothing to do with. Like, the quarter machine’s not working or something, and I can’t do anything about that, you know? Or, like, people, you know, who are just rude for no reason, and like, refuse to be nice. And then there’s the crazy people you have to physically throw out of the bar. Have you ever had to throw someone out? Oh yeah, many times. This one guy, he tried to get behind the bar to plug his iPod in because he wanted to play his friend’ band’s song, and I was like, walking around in the back cleaning dishes and he tried to come in, he walked behind the bar, unplugged my music and tried to put his music in, so I took him by the scruff of the neck, like of his shirt, and had to literally,physically throw him out.
Where she presides: High Horse Saloon, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Whiskey
Oh, I’d have to think about that. Um, I’ve had plenty of people do some really rude things, but the one I can think of most recently is a group of girls that came in here, only drinking water, and it’s free water, so every time they finished drinking one of these (gestures to bottle on bar), they would wave it at me? And snap their fingers. Did they tip you? No. How long did they do that for? About an hour, until I kicked ‘em out, and when they left, I found a lot of Xanax wrappers where they were sitting.
Where he presides: High Horse Saloon, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Currently a margarita, but it changes a lot. Between that and Fernet.
Sadly, it was one of my friends, I won’t name names, but I might have gotten her a little bit too drunk, and I got off my shift and hung out with her until I realized I should get her home, but as we were walking out the door, projectile vomit against the whole front of the bar. Yeah, and I mean, I guess it was more my fault than hers, but I was really hoping she would at least make it outside, but she didn’t.