Welcome to de Blasio’s New York: Everything You Need to Know About Last Night’s Elections
Bye, Charles Hynes, You Pedophile-Protecting Scumbag!
Yesterday afternoon, after I voted, I went to get some dumplings from my local Chinese place. Sitting at a table, eating fried rice, were two teenagers sporting bright red “Elect Charles ‘Joe’ Hynes” t-shirts. I asked them how their day had been, and why they were campaigning for Hynes. They looked at each other and laughed. Their answer, basically, was that they’d been paid to do this. They didn’t care about Hynes. They weren’t even voting. Which pretty much sums up how dedicated anyone was to getting Hynes re-elected. So instead we welcome Ken Thompson, who will hopefully bring a transparency and integrity to an office that has been known for corruption and cover-ups for too long.
And that’s it, guys! That’s everything you need to know about the elections yesterday, elections which featured maybe the lowest voter turnout on record! But who cares? Because that only means that your vote (you did vote, didn’t you?) really counted. Anyway, board up your windows guys, and get ready for the subway hijackings that are sure to start happening any day now. We’re in de Blasio’s New York. Welcome!
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen