Sad news, everybody. The McDonald’s Dollar Menu will no longer feature items that only cost a dollar. Now known as the “Dollar Menu and More,” it will feature items that, uh, cost more than a dollar. How much more? Well, some items will be two dollars and others will cost you five bucks. Craziness, right?
Unless, of course, you’re like me and can’t even remember the last time you ate at a McDonald’s anyway. But even just reading about McDonald’s today had me craving the greasy, flavorful, simple fast food staples that made up the Dollar Menu. Only not, of course, enough that I’d want to go to McDonald’s or anything. Rather, I thought it would be better to find the rough equivalent of Dollar Menu items and eat those instead. None of these things is a dollar. Not even close really. But that’s ok, I think, because while food needs to be reasonably priced, it’s not always a bad thing to pay a fair price for something going into your body, lest you wind up eating preservative-laden, antibiotic-filled mystery meat burgers, thereby removing yourself entirely from the food chain and entering some weird liminal place where you don’t even remember what real food tastes like anymore and everything is terrible. So don’t let that happen, because that would be terrible. Eat these foods, satisfy your fast food cravings, and raise a glass to the departed Dollar Menu.