There’s a new luxury apartment complex at 101 Bedford Avenue that’s set to open in August, and I know you’re all very excited about this, because I know you all have $2,400 a month to spend on a studio apartment that approximates both the size and design aesthetic of a Starbucks bathroom. But if you thought you were excited before, get ready to have your excitement level raised right up into the stratosphere because DNAInfo reported some of the amenities that this complex will offer its renters, and one in particular strikes me as being pretty amazing. And, you know, essential. What is it? Aren’t you just dying to find out?
It’s a “canine cleaning station.” That’s right, there will be dog grooming onsite at 101 Bedford so that pet-owners won’t have to leave the luxury complex to have their pets bathed. Because really, why would you ever want to leave 101 Bedford once you’re there? After all, the complex also features an Olympic-size swimming pool, a “sound-proof recording studio, 2,500 square-foot fitness center and a ‘park-like’ courtyard to ‘complement’ McCarren.” You’ll never have to leave! Not even to go to the park that’s right across the street, because luxury means spending a fortune to live next to a park that you never even go to, because you have your own park right inside your apartment complex.
I don’t know. I get that this is just part of living in a luxury development. But maybe it just rubs me the wrong way because this particular development is selling itself (per its website) with the tag “Toto…I have a feeling we’re not in Brooklyn anymore.” Which, you know, if you want to get the feeling that you’re not in Brooklyn? Don’t fucking move to Brooklyn. Leave it for the people who actually want to live here, and use the parks, and frequent local pet-grooming businesses and go to the recently refurbished public pools and who want to actually be able to look around and say, “Yeah, I’m definitely in Brooklyn.”
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