21 Non-Terrible Songs Babies Actually Seem to Enjoy Despite Not Knowing Anything About Anything


I’ve tried really hard never to be one of those parents that insists on using their child as a way to communicate to others what I would like them to think about me. I don’t buy her t-shirts emblazoned with the logos of my favorite bands, and I haven’t gone and pushed a guitar into her hands or pretended she gives a shit about any of the sports teams I like.

If I’m guilty of anything along those lines, though, it’s of trying to get her to listen to music that isn’t totally shitty. This has nothing to do with me wanting to tell people that my 3-year-old daughter has really good taste in things, and everything to do with me simply not wanting to listen to shitty music. If there’s anything I hate more than that overwrought, bullshit Broadway singing I’ve always said I hate more than anything, it’s children’s music. The way those people fucking over-enunciate everything and obviously have no shame… it makes me want to murder. I would be thrilled if I could get through the rest of my life without ever hearing another song by that Laurie Berkner nightmare, for instance.

So yes, I make it a point to play her music I think we’ll be able to agree on. It’s been super gratifying, too. She asks me the name of every song we listen to, which is nice, and I’ve enjoyed learning about what she enjoys and what she doesn’t. On the following pages, you’ll find a list of songs I’d be willing to bet most kids would be into, assuming you haven’t already ruined them with all the really terrible stuff that will no doubt turn them into tasteless, doltish adults who are no fun to talk to.


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