21 Ways to Spend Your Teeny, Tiny Tax Refund
(a totally uncategorizable way to spend ten dollars)
21) Benadryl and Resnais: Now, I would never advise anyone to buy illegal drugs. Plus, what can you really get for ten dollars anyway? Well, you could get something, but that’s not really my point. My point is, you only have ten dollars. That’s a real budgetary constraint. But you still want to feel good, right? And maybe you don’t want to succumb to the tyranny of the nice weather outside. Maybe everyone else is out enjoying the warm air and bright sun, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Maybe you don’t like the smell of those semen trees that line New York’s springtime streets. Well, hold on. Everyone loves those semen trees. They’re Callery Pear trees and they’re delightful. Anyway, the perfect way to spend a spring day when you don’t want to go out but still want to feel good and only have ten dollars to your name is simply this—buy a box of Benadryl (about $8.99 at most drugstores). Whatever you do, do NOT get any kind that claims to be “anti-drowsy.” Also, avoid the dye-free. Why wouldn’t you want to take some bright pink pills? Take two (which is the recommended dose! I would never advise you to take any more than the recommended dose) and then watch “Hiroshima Mon Amour.” It’s probably on Hulu+. Or, maybe you’re like me, and ordered it from Netflix ages ago and then canceled your Netflix DVD program—because, what a waste of money that was—but then FORGOT to mail it back and got charged $15 for it, so now you own “Hiroshima Mon Amour” and feel obligated to watch it all the time. But so, take the Benadryl, watch some Resnais, and think of how lucky you are that for only ten dollars you can do so much with your life. Like lying on the floor, nuzzling your dog, and picking out the occasional phrase your remember from high school French. Life is good when you pay your taxes. Real good.
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