Ahh, people are so fucking gross sometimes. Specifically, idiot finance bros who drive up the rents in Williamsburg. They are almost always fucking gross. I don’t know why stuff like this still surprises me even a little (maybe my undying optimism and faith in humanity?), but yeah. This Craigslist ad the Observer posted yesterday is the worst.
I mean, unless you’re an 18-25-year-old woman (not an old or a fatty, thanks) willing to work for $5 an hour (plus tips and $1 per minute for back massages), and presumably willing to titter at the terrible jokes of terrible people, then this poker game is definitely for you. Details below:
“Im looking for a female, age 18-25, for a Hostess/Masseuse position 1-4 nights at a private card club in Williamsburg Brooklyn. The players are mostly men in their 20s and 30s, its a very nice crowd of lawyers, media/tech people, advertising guys, and a mix of other professions – it is an upscale crowd but the atmosphere is very relaxed and friendly.
You will have to make and serve coffee and other drinks, snacks, order food for delivery, and help clean up around the club, but there is a lot of downtime too and overall the job is very easy and stress free.
There is a base starting pay of $5/per hours, plus tips, and you also earn $1/minute for back massage for the players while they play cards.”
So, you know, do what you have to do, I won’t judge or anything. The job market is rough, and there are way more despicable — even way more degrading — ways to make some extra cash. I will, however, judge the kind of asshole who thinks $5 per hour is adequate compensation to make anyone participate in their ridiculous fucking Ocean’s 11 fantasy game, is entitled enough to ask for it, and for some reason has decided that Williamsburg — not the Financial District, not Vegas, not nowhere at all because we are adults and this is preposterous — is the perfect place to do this. That guy can maybe stand a little judging.
Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.