We’re only two days into the new year and already there is a strong candidate for the worst thing ever. Not just the worst thing of this year. But the worst thing of all time. What is this terrible thing? Oh, no big deal, it’s just a fucking spice blend, which is mostly notable because it has maybe the worst name ever: Hipster Dust.
Now, you might be thinking, “Hipster Dust? Isn’t that just another way of referencing all the Adderall I snorted in an attempt to mimic the writing of Stephen Elliot and/or most of the writers at Thought Catalog?” Well, yes. That is one thing that people think about when they think about Hipster Dust. Also, they think of cocaine.
But that has nothing to do with the spice blend called Hipster Dust which is not for snorting (seriously, don’t snort it, this stuff is really spicy). Also the spice blend has nothing to do with this completely creepy tumblr i found called Hipster Dust, which was put together by a “dreamer, 16, Bali, [who is] in love with food, 2 slut(s) giggling,” that advises us all to “run the world just like a club.”
Anyway, the spice blend Hipster Dust is actually, as per its website, “a vegan spice mixture that took flight in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.” I didn’t know that many spice mixtures were non-vegan, but that isn’t really the point. The point is that this is just another example of yet another artisanal, locally-made food product that kind of makes me hate Brooklyn. At least, that’s how I felt until I started asking people I work with if they’ve ever heard of Hipster Dust and it turns out they have! And they like it. Noted vegan and L Magazine culture editor, Henry Stewart, had a major stash in his desk drawer, which he said I could sample but not “go crazy with it” and when asked what he thought Hipster Dust tasted like, Stewart said, “It tastes like earth, sea, and fire.”
Now, was that a little culture editor hyperbole? Perhaps. But I am not hyperbolizing at all when I say that Henry has at least 20 little drug-baggies of Hipster Dust in his desk, so clearly it must be good. I don’t know. I tasted it. And it tastes like cayenne pepper and salt. Both good things, I guess. But I just don’t think anything or anyone could ever convince me to ingest something, on purpose, in my mouth, called Hipster Dust. It might not be the worst thing ever, but it is the worst name ever.
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen