The Newbie’s Guide to Pick-Up Basketball in Brooklyn
7. Do the little things: Particularly if you’re not the second coming of Jesus Shuttlesworth. This means boxing out, hustling for loose balls, setting good screens, playing real defense, and never dogging it. People will notice that you’re a pain in the ass to play against and they’ll want you on their team next time.
8. Befriend the mayor of the court: The mayor of the court usually isn’t the best player there—he’s the one who talks the most. He’ll probably give you a disparaging nickname within five minutes of playing. (We also love when nicknames get whittled into further nicknames, for example, we once went from “Billy Bob” to “Bobby McGee” to just “Bobby.”) If he likes you, it’ll make it easier for you to get into games.
9. Watch your mouth if there are little kids around: Yeah, we know how eight-year-old Brooklyn kids talk every day, we hear it too, but that doesn’t mean you get to lose your shit after missing a gimme; don’t yell MOTHERFUCKER right beside the playground, you are not Bill Laimbeer.
10. Be a little tougher on tall Europeans who take smooth mid-ranger jumpers: Just cuz, fuck those guys. N.B. These players are most commonly found in Williamsburg.
11. Play with people better than you: This is related to “always say yes to games” above. It’s the only way you’ll get better.
12. Be yourself: If you identify more with Hoosiers than He Got Game, it’d sound pretty silly for you to be saying things like, “Yo, gimme the rock!” wouldn’t it?
13. Easy on the gear: Save the full Nets uniform plus tear-aways for the intimacy of your couch.