Brooklyn’s Best Places to Break Up With Your (Formerly) Loved One
My Car; or Somewhere Else You Can Puke Inside
So, this is a purely personal reflection on good places to break up and it might not work for everybody. But, as the story goes, I used to have a car. It was a station wagon, which is a pretty cool thing to have, but it did nothing to uplift my image with the guy I was dating at the time who thought I was irreparably preppy. Which, I think was ridiculous, but THERE YOU HAVE IT. I mean, it wasn’t ME who really liked Coldplay, but whatever. Anyway, I was trying to break up with him and it wasn’t going well because he was one of those guys who was constantly trying to convince me that he wanted to be in my life in any capacity so stop trying to end things, let’s just let them EVOLVE or something. And he was always buying me flowers. And then I’d have to carry them around as if I was going to someone’s funeral. It was as if I was going to my own funeral. It was awful. Anyway, one night, I went out with a friend and I got pretty wasted and as my friend drove me home in my car, I made her pull over so that I could vomit basically all over the place. Some of it got in my car.
Gross? Yes. But also a useful opportunity. Because, did I clean it up? Not immediately, no. Instead I went to pick up the awful guy that I was seeing and waited for him to notice the puke still puddled in the passenger seat. “Ew,” he said. “This really makes you seem like less of a preppy.” I replied, “I don’t want to see you anymore.” And he said, “But I got you a bike helmet.” And I said, “Please go.”
And he left! Success is sweet.
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen