How to Choose a Religion if You’re a Godless, Hipster Heathen
- D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Mythology is probably one of the most formative books of my childhood. Take that as a recommendation or as a warning. Your call.
Greek Mythology
Greek mythology has been so totally absorbed into our cultural language that it is impossible to not know the rudiments of its stories. Although long since abandoned by Greeks for other, less polytheistic religions, the Greek gods live on through classic works of literature, like The Iliad, and classic works of film, like “Clash of the Titans.”
Pros:
-Wisdom: The goddess Athena is just a really, really smart lady. I love that the deity of intelligence is a woman. That is pretty progressive, when you think about it. She was also a total warrior. I love that.
-Familiarity: C’mon, now, admit it. You already know these stories, don’t you? It’ll be a pretty seamless transition from godlessness to Greek mythology. You won’t have to learn a whole bunch of complicated new names, like “Centzon Totochtin.”
-Entertainment: The Greek myths are SO MUCH more interesting to read than the Bible. There’s none of that begat begat begat bullshit that thwarted my own youthful attempts to find god.
-Hedonism: The Greeks were into some pretty wild stuff. There was some hard-core debauchery going on in the house of Dionysus and we heartily approve of that.
Cons:
-Rape: Yeah, this is not cool at all. A lot of the gods, including Zeus, used to routinely rape humans. Old Zeus would just descend from Mt. Olympus and head down to earth, sometimes in the guise of a BULL, and just rape whatever good-looking woman he came across. Sometimes while still a bull. Not cool, Zeus, not cool at all.
-War: The Greek gods were always fighting with each other. And they LOVE when humans were at war because then they could choose sides and just fuck around however they wanted. Again, not so cool.
-Patricide and Infanticide: The gods were pretty notorious for having killed their own father, Kronos, the titan. But also, Kronos, wasn’t so great either because he ATE all of his children. My point is just that this is a pretty messed-up family tree.
Summary:
I mean, I’m still pretty into Greek mythology because the stories are the very definition of iconic. But I just can’t believe in it as a religion. It’s just too rape-y.