Screw You, Columbus. Today We Celebrate Leif Ericsson, Who Came to America 500 Years Before That Other Guy.
Here is the poem in its entirety:
Viking Poem
Vikings oho they were so strong
Though there warriors won’t live so long
For a long time they rode the stormy seas
Whether there was a great big storm or a stormy breeze
These ships were made of real strong wood
As every ship really should
If you were to see a viking today
It’s best you go some other way
Because they’ld kill you very well
And all your gold they’ll certainly sell
For all these reasons stay away
From a viking every day.
Personally, I feel like young Wallace’s fear of vikings might have contributed to his general phobia of both the sea and large ships, as later expanded upon in “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again.”