Another Reason Why Weddings Bring Out the Worst In People

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  • Amelia Strauss

Weddings are something that many people get very excited about. And good for those people! Weddings are great. Everyone loves a party and everyone loves a parade and a wedding is basically those two things put together and smushed around and then dipped into sparkles and fairy dust.

Or so I’ve been told. Personally, I got hitched in Vegas with only Elvis as my witness and I’ve never looked back.

Anyway! For those of you lovebirds that do go the more traditional route, you might be considering hiring a wedding photographer to document what is sure to be the happiest day of your life and also the happiest day in the lives of everyone you know, especially if those people really like to dance to “Firework” at the end of a long, alcohol- and cake-fueled night.

But have you thought about what happens after Katy Perry’s magical exhortation to be a firework, to boom boom boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon is over? Of course you have! You’re going to go enjoy your wedding night. It’s the whole reason you got married after all. To have sex. And sex is never better than it is when you’ve been drinking copious amounts of alcohol all night and hanging out with your family and your parent’s friends who you invited because your own friends are too cheap to give generous wedding presents.

So don’t you want to commemorate all that sex with professional photography? Don’t you want to invite someone else in for your first night together as married couple? Don’t you want to have pictures documenting these moments so that you can show them to your children?

You don’t?

Well, that’s because you are not as romantically minded as the couples that the Daily News talks to, couples who invite photographers into what the News calls “an unusual kind of afterparty.” These couples invite their wedding photographer up to their wedding suite so that they can have pictures that feature “rumpled beds and steamy showers.”

Are you worried that this all sounds a little pornographic? Well, don’t worry! Morning-after photographer Michelle Jonné says, “We do it very sexy and implied.” Oh, cool, then! It’s not actually explicitly showing the first time a couple fucks after marriage, it’s only implying it! Classy.

One of the newlyweds that Ms. Jonné photographed was Inna Shamis. Ms. Shamis loved the experience and the results and had this to say about why she chose to just go for morning-after photography, “‘The minute [Ms. Jonné] told me, I thought ‘that is brilliant,’’ Shamis said. ‘When you get married, you’re in the best shape of your life and why not have these memories.’”

Why not have these memories? I mean, sure, you could still have the memories without the photographs, but let’s be real here. If you can’t post it on Facebook, did it even really happen? Maybe these memories can also be a new tradition, the way that brides of old had to hang their blood-stained sheets out for all the neighbors to see.

Yes! these morning-after photos proclaim. We just had sex!

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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