Speculatively, Seven Classics Get the Fifty Shades of Grey Treatment
To Kill A Mockingbird Harper Lee
There are many things wrong with this book. I am not going to get into it now. Because no one will want to read this post if it stretches an extra twenty pages of me explaining why I think this book is one of the more reductive, classist, and unfeminist examinations of race relations that I have ever read.
So instead I will just say that among its faults is this—super-hot Atticus Finch who looks like Gregory Peck has no sex! He needs to be having some sex.
He is super-hot.
This book could be incredibly improved upon if it was just about Atticus Finch’s sex life. Maybe he could take some of that morphine from that mean lady who’s in excruciating pain while dying of cancer but REFUSES to take morphine and Atticus could use that morphine to relax a little and maybe let some girl stick her finger up his butt? I don’t know! That seems very Fifty Shades to me.
Also, people should stop naming their children Atticus. If you HAVE to name your kid after a character from To Kill a Mockingbird, name your kid Boo. It works for a boy or a girl, really.