The Brooklyn Olympics: 2012 Edition. But Also: Timeless.

This would have been a disaster!

  • This would have been a disaster!

Remember when the idea of NYC hosting the 2012 Olympics was a tiny, sparkling gleam in Mike Bloomberg’s eye?

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Also.

Remember when we didn’t think Bloomberg would STILL be the mayor in 2012, ELEVEN years after he was first elected?

Yeah, that seems like a long time ago.

Well, as with many ill-conceived thought-babies, the NYC 2012 Olympics was an idea that was ripe for an abortion.

Luckily, we don’t have to face the agony of thousands of people descending on the city and wandering around like gawking idiots, blocking up our sidewalks and swarming our precious subways!

Oh, wait.

That’s just summer in New York.

But at least we don’t have to deal with thousands of ADDITIONAL people descending on the city and wandering around like gawking idiots, blocking up our sidewalks and swarming our precious subways!

The thing is though, as glad as we are that we’re not London, we are, by nature, pretty competitive. And this isn’t some faux-competitive spirit like those dudes in Berlin with their “Hipster Olympics.”

Those Germans, always with their frivolous fun-and-games!

We get serious here.

The Brooklyn Olympics could be a real thing. With real athletic virtues. No room for moustache-growing events or skinny jeans tug-of-war like they’re doing over in Berlin.

Here are the events that would best define the Brooklyn Olympics 2012.

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